Do you know what would be fun?

I would love to pack up my kids and husband and send them to spend the weekend with my in-laws.  I would stay home, I would have snacks and beverages, books, and cheesey tv. I wouldn't have to get out of my pjs and the dishes could stack up and wait, the noise I would hear would be my movies, my tv, or my music.

Seriously, I love my kids and husband  and they have been pretty great all things considered.  But today is day 70 and this introvert is coming to the end of her rope even more rapidly than I had been in the past.  My best guess is (and please pardon the mixed metaphors I am about to toss your way) now that I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel and I am fairly confident that Lucy is not going to pull the football from me again, it has triggered something in me that says it is ok to break rather than bend now.

It is amazing what we can do as humans and how resilient we are, and for that reason along with my faith I am still reasonably sane.  This introvert has gotten by fairly well well with virtually no alone time for 70 days!

I will laugh in the face of any expert that dares tell me to just tell the kids that Mommy needs time to herself and they cannot enter whatever room I am in for a specific period of time.  Even if I could get them to respect that I would still hear them and be on low level alert for trouble.  I think that is really the root of my frustration, I am constantly on and alert there simply is no way to turn it off.

I was told by my Brother In Law when we first brought Alex home that there are two people in the world.  Mom and Not Mom and that in most circumstances Not Mom is not acceptable, and while that was very true in infancy it still exists as they are 7 & 9 it just isn't as pronounced, or it wasn't until we started sequester.  In times of anxiety Mom is who they want, which is both amazingly sweet and frustrating at the same time.  I am sure that any parent can relate.

My youngest has his birthday soon and technically gatherings should still be 10 people or less, so I debate do I have a family party and say who cares there will be more than 10 and people can just deal, do I not have a party at all, or do I take the family to my sister's house, hand the kids and my husband over to socialize and I hide in corner with my kindle.  Granted I could probably do the last option at my in-laws (minus the dogs since they don't have any) but I would feel weirder hiding at my in-laws house than at my sister's house. :)   And that would all be on me because my in-laws are pretty darn fantastic they just happen to be highly social people, my sister is too but well I have known her all my life and her kids are highly introverted so they would be happy to see me but that is all they need. 

All of this frustration is heading towards Obliger Rebellion I can feel it, and I recognize the signs.  I am just trying to head it off at the pass before I really blow something up that I cannot fix.


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