PadawanOfHappiness

Thank goodness the end of the year is drawing near, like many I am really looking forward to it with great enthusiasm that is trying to mask my apprehension of expecting more of the same if not worse. I am looking forward to what I hope are positive changes, and believe it or not things that I am looking to maintain into the new year.  2020 while overall, has been pretty darn craptastic, there were some really good things that I can focus on. It was often reported in the news and social media about a huge weight gain of many, and knock on wood I didn't have a huge weight gain but a bit.  I am re-invigorated by the treadmill that I got for my birthday to reverse the slide and actually pick up on my weight loss journey.  For the most part I mainly stagnated, toward the end the jeans were getting a bit tight so I made some tweaks. My 2 cents for things that have helped me or have inspired me to continue on my health journey (which for me does include losing weight): COVID - ...

I absolutely love the Happier Podcast with Gretchen Rubin and her sister Elizabeth Craft.  They had asked for success stories for Walk 20 in 20 and this is mine. I had proposed this challenge to my sisters late in 2019 and we all agreed to give it a go.  So starting on January 1st we all started and we checked in with each other via text each day. I walked outside and inside, when it was hot and cold, raining or snowing.  I walked to relieve stress, I walked to clear my mind, I walked to get some time alone.   I walked the rehab/nursing home halls while visiting my aunt, I walked the hotel halls with my sisters when we gathered for her funeral. I walked the neighborhood of my Mom's youth when I visited to help her deal with her sister's estate.  I walked my current neighborhood and the neighborhood my childhood.  I paced inside my house if the weather was too horrible or I simply was so busy I didn't have time during the day. For the first 2.5 months I...

I saw a piece from The Next Big Idea Club on Heleo, it was an excerpt from a podcast with Susan Cain.  I was very excited because I thought finally I am going to hear someone say that no the sequester is not a dream for introverts. Well, I have to say that based on the excerpt and then going to listen to the full podcast I was still disappointed.  Ms. Cain says: Whereas if you were an introvert who had worked out the right balance before this happened, but now you’ve had to adjust that balance, it’s still probably going to be difficult for you. And that is as close as she gets to acknowledging that this is difficult for introverts. What no one is talking about, at least that I can find, is I had my balance for the most part and now everyone is in my house ALL THE TIME!  And now I think balance, what the heck is that? In the podcast, Ms. Cain discusses her kids being home but I get the impression that those kids are older and more self sufficient.  I laug...

I spent most of my time off Facebook today because I knew it would be a struggle today, while we had a great day yesterday and I was coming out of my Friday Flail (yeah I like that better than meltdown) today it was cold, gray, rainy and therefore just miserable. It didn't start that way at all, in fact, it started out gloriously, Mr.Padawan got up with the kids and they stayed quiet.  I woke up and then spent an extra 10-15 minutes just relishing being in bed alone and it was all quiet because they thought I was still asleep.  BEST PRESENT EVER!  The kids made waffles under the supervision of Mr. Padawan, so there were more chocolate chips in those waffles than there should have been but, whatevs I realized that this was not a battle I had to control. I did get out for my walk, it was cold and rainy and if I didn't have wet feet I would have stayed out longer.  I did end up cruising Facebook and found that Gretchen Rubin had shared CNN's article " The introver...

Last Friday was a week in sequester and I started to lose it and needed to take some serious extra time to be alone.  I even went as far as watching three shows on demand that I know Mr.Padawan does not like and leaves the room when I watch them just so I could be alone, crazy right? Things were getting better on Saturday and I did get a bit of extra time alone that day too and things seemed to be settling down nicely, sure there were a few bumps along the road but nothing major.  And then before I knew it, Friday is here and I am feeling the pressure again.   My mind is going a million miles a minute and I am having difficulty concentrating on anything.  My kids, seriously are doing fantastic given the circumstances and their specific challenges, but are driving me batty and every last little thing is getting on my nerves.  I keep reminding myself of how good they are doing and that my perception is off, which is of itself a weird feeling, I know one th...

After Friday night's mini meltdown and some discussion with my family, I feel like I was able to course correct pretty quickly yesterday.  I am not sure what the optimal alone time is for me but I am working on it.  I did get my 20 minutes in the morning and then in the afternoon, I did another 30 minute walk by myself and then did some coloring in the kitchen alone.  Sure the other 3 Padawans were in the other room watching a movie and I could hear both them and the movie but it seemed to work for me. I am feeling better about today and optimistic again.  I really do credit Gretchen's books for helping me see that only I can make myself happy and the importance of taking care of myself.  I still need to put that oxygen mask on first in order to help others.  I am proud of myself for recognizing the signs of a melt down earlier than I would have previously so that my so call melt down was just binge watching shows that I know Mr. Padawan hates so that I ...

I knew it would come eventually, I was optimistic based on the week that we have had that it would take longer than this to actually come.  That sense of being trapped. I cannot say this enough that my family has been great and I really could not ask for more we are all doing our best given the circumstances.  But here is the situation I am an introvert, I am used to working from home by myself, which means that I am used to being alone for roughly 7 hours a day Monday through Friday.  Now I have Mr. Padawan and 2 little Padawans with me ALL DAY LONG.  Ok, I do get a 20-minute walk for my #Walk20in20, most days but sometimes one or both little Padawans go with me.  Also one of my Padawans is a toucher and when he is anxious he gets even more touchy it brings him comfort, but it drives me nuts, I don't really like touch and most definitely not when I am stressed like now. But based on last night's dream and the thoughts in my head today, I know that I did a ...

Ok so the good news is that I don't have a full fledged mask with my CPAP machine, it is just this uber sexy nose pillow and the hose sits at the top of my head so it doesn't get in the way too much.  And it is really pretty quiet which is good. It does feel kind of weird as I get used to it and for the most part I don't feel like I am driving down the highway with my head out the window which is good.  Last night was a bad night, something wasn't quite right and there was a hissing sound like there was an airleak somewhere and I couldn't find it.  It couldn't have been that bad since my app gave me a good score but I did see that last night's "leak' value was higher than any other night.  Normally I am between 1-3, last night I was at 8.  Not sure what is up with that. I have noticed that for the most part I have been waking up around 5 AM fairly well rested and ready to go, but I just don't want to leave my bed because I LOVE my bed and...

Since coming home from vacation and the start of the year, I refocused myself on my goals of losing weight and being healthier.  I did start exercising on a regular basis again, and while I am not yet counting calories again I have been working on portion size again. I have seen the results and my weight is back to where it was in mid-November.  And I just took a look at the numbers and between mid-November and the end of December my fluctuation was only 5 pounds, that is nothing to sneeze at and completely falls into the normal fluctuations of life.  Yes, I have to write this out to help me internalize and accept this, but I can do that.  Some may not see it as a reason to celebrate but I do because this was a very huge win for me.  It is helping me see that I can do this, and while I wasn't vigilant the habits that I had worked hard to establish were taking hold and I was basically in a holding pattern for a month and a half, and that is not a bad place to ...