Walk 20 in 20

I absolutely love the Happier Podcast with Gretchen Rubin and her sister Elizabeth Craft.  They had asked for success stories for Walk 20 in 20 and this is mine.

I had proposed this challenge to my sisters late in 2019 and we all agreed to give it a go.  So starting on January 1st we all started and we checked in with each other via text each day.

I walked outside and inside, when it was hot and cold, raining or snowing.  I walked to relieve stress, I walked to clear my mind, I walked to get some time alone.  

I walked the rehab/nursing home halls while visiting my aunt, I walked the hotel halls with my sisters when we gathered for her funeral. I walked the neighborhood of my Mom's youth when I visited to help her deal with her sister's estate.  I walked my current neighborhood and the neighborhood my childhood.  I paced inside my house if the weather was too horrible or I simply was so busy I didn't have time during the day.

For the first 2.5 months I walked outside fairly consistently and I had my schedule M-F, I would drop off the little Padawans at school, came home and immediately did my walk and then began my work day.  Then COVID happened and my Padawans were home for remote learning so my walk moved from 8:30 AM to around noon at lunch time.   That held for most of the summer, and then my walk got later and I walked after dinner.  Finally fall came and so did the darkness, I have been trying to get my walk in before dinner because sunset at 4:30 means it is dark.

Mr. Padawan and my little Padawans had concerns for my safety because our neighborhood does not have sidewalks so I purchased my first reflective/safety gear to wear when I walk in that in between time where the light is not so great.

This Introvert's Nightmare

The whole COVID situation was called an 'introvert's dream' early on and I was horrified.  This was not a dream it was a nightmare, my alone time went POOF and vanished I was surrounded by people ALL THE TIME.  This is not the dream life for an introvert, sure I don't have to meet people outside the home, but now my home, my sanctuary is my prison.  I wrote about this back in April, and you can read it here.

Since April I have certainly been able to tolerate things better, but really the only alone time I get is that 20 minute walk, and truth be told sometimes my Padawans are with me then too so I don't have that.  Nor do I have alone time in the bathroom. Parents, especially Moms, may remember with their children were toddlers how they could not do anything in peace, well my kids have resumed this behavior now even though they are well past that age.  

COVID has affect them as well and it has made them very clingy both physically and emotionally, some of their behavior has reverted and they younger than they are.  That takes a toll on an introvert, it doesn't matter that I love them to the moon and back and want to help them have a good life and I want to help them navigate these crazy times.

Taking the 20 minutes is a given, it is required for my mental well being.  I want and crave more time to be alone.  And I mean truly alone, not just me in my room or in my office and people somewhere else in the house because that is not alone time.  With people around I am always listening, just like Alexa, I have no time off.  I am listening to the kids because I need to know if I need to intervene or if this is something they need to work out between the two of them. While I may not know exactly what they are saying and doing but that constant audio surveillance takes a toll and is exhausting and is a reminder that I am not alone.  I am always on.

Mr. Padawan has been very supportive of my needs but it is hard on him as well.  I really cannot ask for anything more because he is doing all he can.  What I need is not actually possible right now.  Every other week I do get a bit of a reprieve because our school district is a week on week off rotation, and it much easier to tune out Mr. Padawan he is not as needy at the little Padawans.

I need more alone time period and until we are able to move freely things are not going to change.  I carve out time where I can and when things get too pressurized i do take more time for myself but that in itself is draining because I need to coordinate with Mr.Padawan I cannot just get my time alone.