Obliger Rebellion

Last week the pressure began to build again and I didn't recognize the signs.  The stress of the lock downs which includes added stress from my kids because they have extra emotional, mental, and physical demands from the stress and don't know what to do with it.  Not that we adults do but we are slightly better equipped to handle it and they are not, so they turn to us their parents.

The stress of yet another school break which means a break in consistency that kids crave, especially right now with all the turmoil.  The stress of the news, and cancel this and that and who is bad, and who is not, yada yada yada.  It was just too much.  I started to get more irritable easily and just really wanted to hide, and I was ripe for Obliger Rebellion.

In the past I have been able to identify the pressure and the need to blow of steam and do so before I went crazy.  This time not so much, I didn't recognize it until I was in the midst of it and then I just decided to ride it out.

Sunday morning, without realizing it I just rebelled, I didn't do much of anything.  I did in fact hide in bed, not once but twice.  The first time was when the kids got up, I stayed in bed and ignored the world while Mr. Padawan maintained order and made breakfast.  I ate with the family and we went to Mass together and that was about it.  Then I went to hide in bed again and read a book, I blew off exercise, and jumped at the opportunity to drop the kids off for an impromptu sleepover with my in laws, and I didn't watch what I ate at all.  I binge watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer and it was good.

Monday was a lazy day and I ignored a lot of things.  I did exercise and I read a lot but I didn't really do the chores that I was supposed to do and I didn't care.  I also jumped on the opportunity to have my mother in law cook dinner.   It was glorious and I loved it and didn't want it to end.

Alas, it is now Tuesday and I stayed in bed a bit longer again today but I have been up and doing things that I need to do and meeting my obligations and it isn't so bad.  In some ways I am bummed that I broke my walking streak on Sunday, as of  the 13th I had walked for 410 days in a row, but I am not devastated because I am recognizing how much I need to blow everything off and that felt so much better than keeping the streak alive.

My sisters tried to get me to walk because they know I need the accountability.  But I really didn't care. This doesn't make me weak or bad, it is acceptance of who I am and how I function.  They did their job and I don't blame them for the texts encouraging me and yes lovingly bullying me, and I know that they will do it again and most likely I will in fact do the walk. 



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