PadawanOfHappiness

I have been continuing to surround myself with what I want and what I need.  I am feeling better with my faith but I know that I am still in the woods so I am still listening to K-Love on my walks and sometimes longer. I am still struggling but I know that with all the crap that I have gone through I know that God has been walking beside me and been my cheerleader pushing me forward when I don't think I can go on.  And I realized that I was breaking down and my steps were getting slower and I didn't think I would be able to walk forward anymore,  all of this was running through my head while I was mowing the lawn, which I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO DO, and then all of a sudden I saw an image in my mind that looked like this. Yes really like this, because this is the very similar to a print that I had growing up in my house.  And well it was what I needed, because I slowly realized I don't need to push and I can break because God has me and he will carry me forward until ...

I would love to pack up my kids and husband and send them to spend the weekend with my in-laws.  I would stay home, I would have snacks and beverages, books, and cheesey tv. I wouldn't have to get out of my pjs and the dishes could stack up and wait, the noise I would hear would be my movies, my tv, or my music. Seriously, I love my kids and husband  and they have been pretty great all things considered.  But today is day 70 and this introvert is coming to the end of her rope even more rapidly than I had been in the past.  My best guess is (and please pardon the mixed metaphors I am about to toss your way) now that I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel and I am fairly confident that Lucy is not going to pull the football from me again, it has triggered something in me that says it is ok to break rather than bend now. It is amazing what we can do as humans and how resilient we are, and for that reason along with my faith I am still reasonably sane....

For the most part I am fairly quiet about my faith, it is just part of me and I do what I feel fits my practice of faith.  I don't shout about it often and I certainly would not be classified as an a person that goes out to evangelize, that simply is not my speed. I am hardly a perfect person and nor is my practice of my faith perfect, it is nowhere near close to that at all.  I struggle sometimes a little and sometimes a lot.  I don't pray nearly as much as  I should and I find that my faith comes fairly easy when I am feeling good and secure.  Recently as I find myself more hopeful and confident that we will be able to resume 'normal' life I find myself filled with more anxiety and worry in general, I am not questioning my faith or God.  But I am allowing myself to be drawn into worries that I know I need to let go of but yet I need help to do so.  I find myself in these times doubling down on certain things to help me get a grip on reality and calm ...

One thing I keep hearing people freak out about is the number of "new cases" but what does that mean really?  Just the number of new cases means nothing really because lets think about it, not everyone that tests positive is symptomatic, not everyone that tests positive needs to be hospitalized, not everyone that test positive but needs to be admitted to the hospital is put in the ICU, so what is the big deal about new cases, without other information around it is a big number that is meaningless in my opinion. So the graphic below can look really scary if you think of it on its own. A similar chart This is a very serious illness for the elderly and those that have underlying conditions, I don't think that is any debate about that.  But I have to wonder why now that we have more data is this really that scary to those that are not in the high risk category?  Look at this chart...based on this combined with other stats, yes I want to be cautious but this is not as scary as...