PadawanOfHappiness

On a previous post I had mentioned I am I am feeling torn because I am struggling with my professional life.  I have a lot of different ideas but at the same time I want to be a worker bee and not necessarily the CEO, Marketing, and Sales person too. The world really needs far more worker bees that leaders.  If you feel the call to be a leader, fantastic for you but for to lead you need people that will support you.  I am perfectly capable of leading but that doesn't bring me joy. I am not a terribly competitive person, I like to do a good job but I don't have to be #1. Additionally, my interests are varied.  I like to dabble in a lot of different things and I think that adds to my struggle.  I like to do creative things, I like to do technical things, I like to create schedules and plans, I like someone to say I want to know more about X and then I provide them a little report about X.

I have been pondering the different chapters of my life.  What I wanted when I was a teen is different than what I wanted in my 20s and so on.  I am very happy that what I wanted and pursued then worked for me then and I have very few regrets, however I don't want relive those years nor do I want those things now. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; A time of war, and a time ...

Do you ever get stressed and can't figure out what the problem is?  Over the past 4 years, I have noticed the sign of stress is found in my shoulders I get so tense it is like a ball of fire. Yesterday I woke up and all is good. I have a house and it is safe and we can afford it.  My family is good.  I don't need to work financially but I think I do for emotional and mental reasons.   Yet as the day wore on I just got tighter and tighter and my tricks are not as effective as they used to be. I honestly think I might be fighting the feeling that I am not enough which is crazy right?  I know I am in my head and my kids and husband frequently tell me that I am the best.  So why can't I believe it?  Why can't I let it go and rejoice in being wife and mother? I keep taking these moments to myself and I pray for help to just let it go and to be able to feel confident that I am in the right place and I am doing the right thing.   I have to wond...

I had contemplated playing Powerball the other day but I just wasn't feeling inspired to play.  I woke up this morning and checked the numbers and someone in Maryland won, and those numbers were not even on my radar to think about playing.  I am very happy for that person (or group) and I hope they use their newfound money wisely and have someone to ground them to reality so they do not become a statistic. The amount of money that is out there to be won is amazing and life changing to be sure, but it isn't always life changing in a good way.  I can only imagine how easy it would be to just go crazy and really lose your head.  Sure winning that amount of money can certainly solve a lot of your problems, but it also introduces a lot more that I don't think any of us could fully comprehend until it happened to us and the odds of that are slim. They are even more slim for me because I rarely play the lotto but boy do I love to dream about what I would do with the money....

At the end of the week my monthly menu (I really should call it my 4 week menu, but I digress) is up and I need to make a new one for February.  At the end of the menu Lent will begin and I need to make sure that I include meatless recipes for Ash Wednesday and the subsequent Fridays. The problem...I hate fish and seafood.  I think it looks great in pictures but the smell, taste, and texture really don't work for me.  I wish they did and I periodically try fish hoping that I will like it, alas it has not yet happened.   I also don't want to end up with cheese pizza and pasta alternating every other Friday.  I like to create things so I made this it includes things I have made and 4 new recipes that I want to try.   Link to the PDF file  

 Yesterday on Facebook Gretchen Rubin had posted : When I feel distracted or overwhelmed, I remind myself that I can’t blame the internet. If I want a life with more time for calm and reflection, I need to create it for myself. Agree, disagree? It made me start to think about all the things that I didn't do last year and the one year we did a lot of things.  I am cautiously optimistic about the upcoming year, specifically the summer when we do most of our vacation/travel.  And Gretchen's post prompted me to reflect on those two years that I mentioned and came to the decision this morning that I need to plan some family adventures. I don't want to overwhelm myself or my family but I know from previous experience that planning right now while we are in the winter doldrums is good for my mental health because it gives me something to focus on and gives me something to do do. Additionally, it is good for my family because my planning will help create these future family memor...

    We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. Martin Luther King, Jr.