PadawanOfHappiness

On a previous post I had mentioned I am I am feeling torn because I am struggling with my professional life.  I have a lot of different ideas but at the same time I want to be a worker bee and not necessarily the CEO, Marketing, and Sales person too. The world really needs far more worker bees that leaders.  If you feel the call to be a leader, fantastic for you but for to lead you need people that will support you.  I am perfectly capable of leading but that doesn't bring me joy. I am not a terribly competitive person, I like to do a good job but I don't have to be #1. Additionally, my interests are varied.  I like to dabble in a lot of different things and I think that adds to my struggle.  I like to do creative things, I like to do technical things, I like to create schedules and plans, I like someone to say I want to know more about X and then I provide them a little report about X.

I have been pondering the different chapters of my life.  What I wanted when I was a teen is different than what I wanted in my 20s and so on.  I am very happy that what I wanted and pursued then worked for me then and I have very few regrets, however I don't want relive those years nor do I want those things now. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; A time of war, and a time ...

Do you ever get stressed and can't figure out what the problem is?  Over the past 4 years, I have noticed the sign of stress is found in my shoulders I get so tense it is like a ball of fire. Yesterday I woke up and all is good. I have a house and it is safe and we can afford it.  My family is good.  I don't need to work financially but I think I do for emotional and mental reasons.   Yet as the day wore on I just got tighter and tighter and my tricks are not as effective as they used to be. I honestly think I might be fighting the feeling that I am not enough which is crazy right?  I know I am in my head and my kids and husband frequently tell me that I am the best.  So why can't I believe it?  Why can't I let it go and rejoice in being wife and mother? I keep taking these moments to myself and I pray for help to just let it go and to be able to feel confident that I am in the right place and I am doing the right thing.   I have to wond...

I had contemplated playing Powerball the other day but I just wasn't feeling inspired to play.  I woke up this morning and checked the numbers and someone in Maryland won, and those numbers were not even on my radar to think about playing.  I am very happy for that person (or group) and I hope they use their newfound money wisely and have someone to ground them to reality so they do not become a statistic. The amount of money that is out there to be won is amazing and life changing to be sure, but it isn't always life changing in a good way.  I can only imagine how easy it would be to just go crazy and really lose your head.  Sure winning that amount of money can certainly solve a lot of your problems, but it also introduces a lot more that I don't think any of us could fully comprehend until it happened to us and the odds of that are slim. They are even more slim for me because I rarely play the lotto but boy do I love to dream about what I would do with the money....

At the end of the week my monthly menu (I really should call it my 4 week menu, but I digress) is up and I need to make a new one for February.  At the end of the menu Lent will begin and I need to make sure that I include meatless recipes for Ash Wednesday and the subsequent Fridays. The problem...I hate fish and seafood.  I think it looks great in pictures but the smell, taste, and texture really don't work for me.  I wish they did and I periodically try fish hoping that I will like it, alas it has not yet happened.   I also don't want to end up with cheese pizza and pasta alternating every other Friday.  I like to create things so I made this it includes things I have made and 4 new recipes that I want to try.   Link to the PDF file  

 Yesterday on Facebook Gretchen Rubin had posted : When I feel distracted or overwhelmed, I remind myself that I can’t blame the internet. If I want a life with more time for calm and reflection, I need to create it for myself. Agree, disagree? It made me start to think about all the things that I didn't do last year and the one year we did a lot of things.  I am cautiously optimistic about the upcoming year, specifically the summer when we do most of our vacation/travel.  And Gretchen's post prompted me to reflect on those two years that I mentioned and came to the decision this morning that I need to plan some family adventures. I don't want to overwhelm myself or my family but I know from previous experience that planning right now while we are in the winter doldrums is good for my mental health because it gives me something to focus on and gives me something to do do. Additionally, it is good for my family because my planning will help create these future family memor...

    We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. Martin Luther King, Jr.  

  "Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies.   The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." — C.S. Lewis  

I have continued to walk each day, my youngest challenged me to do 21 minutes rather than 20 and I took him on that challenge. I also need to do more exercise to lose more weight I am stagnating where I am.  I also need to watch my portions, which is a HUGE problem as well because I really like food, and darn me for being such a good cook!  Just kidding...sort of. :) As humans it is easy for us to go back to what we know even if that is no longer working.  That is the predicament I find myself in right now.  I know that working out in the morning with a cardio/strength video, plus walking, plus portion control worked really well and I 'easily' lost about 20-25 lbs.  Yeah it wasn't really easy but I made rapid and sustainable progress. Well I fell off the wagon a bit in the sense that I didn't continue to lose, and I mostly have stagnated as I mentioned before and I have fluctuated+/- 7ish pounds.  So in one sense that is a victory because that fluctuation i...

I am beyond cranky it is not even funny.  It is not a comfortable feeling, it affects my mood, my ability to make decisions, my reactions to others, my tolerance for what I deem to be stupidity and idiocy, and I feel if physically. This introvert is cracking today.  My kids have been doing the remote school thing since Dec 15th, which means it has been 21 days (tomorrow).  Yes some of that was Christmas vacation and I did have great time away from them when they had a sleep over, but I think that sleep over is part of the problem. Let me explain.  When I am overtired and I get my first good night's sleep the next day I am incredibly cranky and irritable, it is like my body is mad that I finally got  good night's sleep and it wants more RIGHT NOW.  My body got a taste of the good stuff and wants more and will be cranky until it gets more.  Being kid free was fantastic, but then things went sideways.   Mr. Padawan went to get the kids and I was...

I am cautiously optimistic about 2021 and I am looking forward to the year.  One thing that I learned in 2020 is that perspective and attitude can really help you navigate challenges.  It doesn't make them go away but it certainly can help your mental and emotional health stay on a more even keel even tending towards positivity and happiness, but it does take work. Keeping a positive attitude is work and can be compared to exercise, the more you do it the easier it is, mind you it isn't necessarily easy just easier.  With that in mind I had an epiphany this morning while staring at my coffee mug and realized it can pair with one of the songs I was listening to last night and thought it should be my theme song for the year. Last night during my dance party I was listening to 'Higher' by Gloria Estefan and thought this is a great song for 2021.  The chorus goes like this: Just understand, don't get me wrong You got to live your life, live it right Or you'll go bac...