PadawanOfHappiness

I realized today that I am really suffering start-itist, I start a lot of things but never finish them.  When we started our sequester and I thought it was only going to be roughly 3 weeks, I had a note to reframe things to look at the things that I could do.  I could sort our plastic, I could tackle cleaning the office. Well today I recorded a video podcast (I was the guest, woohoo!) and I realized that my office did not present a good backdrop it was a mess and the lighting wasn't fantastic for a video but perfectly fine for work.   I wanted to just hang a sheet over the bookcase and it would be a clean look and be done with it.  Mr. Padawan said nope, clean the bookcase we need to clean the office.  So I did spend the morning and moved stuff around on the bookcase and it looked good for the video. I moved stuff down towards one end of the office, I am feeling a bit of a renewed purpose to just get it done.  I am hoping to keep making progress a...

I spent most of my time off Facebook today because I knew it would be a struggle today, while we had a great day yesterday and I was coming out of my Friday Flail (yeah I like that better than meltdown) today it was cold, gray, rainy and therefore just miserable. It didn't start that way at all, in fact, it started out gloriously, Mr.Padawan got up with the kids and they stayed quiet.  I woke up and then spent an extra 10-15 minutes just relishing being in bed alone and it was all quiet because they thought I was still asleep.  BEST PRESENT EVER!  The kids made waffles under the supervision of Mr. Padawan, so there were more chocolate chips in those waffles than there should have been but, whatevs I realized that this was not a battle I had to control. I did get out for my walk, it was cold and rainy and if I didn't have wet feet I would have stayed out longer.  I did end up cruising Facebook and found that Gretchen Rubin had shared CNN's article " The introver...

Last Friday was a week in sequester and I started to lose it and needed to take some serious extra time to be alone.  I even went as far as watching three shows on demand that I know Mr.Padawan does not like and leaves the room when I watch them just so I could be alone, crazy right? Things were getting better on Saturday and I did get a bit of extra time alone that day too and things seemed to be settling down nicely, sure there were a few bumps along the road but nothing major.  And then before I knew it, Friday is here and I am feeling the pressure again.   My mind is going a million miles a minute and I am having difficulty concentrating on anything.  My kids, seriously are doing fantastic given the circumstances and their specific challenges, but are driving me batty and every last little thing is getting on my nerves.  I keep reminding myself of how good they are doing and that my perception is off, which is of itself a weird feeling, I know one th...

In case anyone was wondering I am no longer mad, I wasn't even really mad yesterday but I forgot to post anything.  But things worked out pretty much as I expected, I vented my frustrations and acknowledged that I was mad and it helped me release it.  The reality is that holding it was hurting me and venting it while not allowing me to change anything in the past, and probably not really affecting things in the future, it did change me and that was the most important thing. For me I find that the more I take a few minutes (or a day) to just be mad and understand why I am mad helps me work it out of my system.  I embrace it and pretty much let the fire of mad run its course and burn out.  Sometimes I blog about it and other times I will use music therapy and listen to an album that I define to be angry and by the end of the album my fire has pretty much extinguished itself.  My go to album for years has been Jagged Little Pill but there are others that work a...

I didn't sleep well last night and I was achy and crampy (no I don't think I have anything serious.  I know exactly what this is and it will go in a day and a half and be back in roughly 28, there is no need to panic).  The kids are doing mostly good but that means there is the occasional bad and waking up the way I did just meant it was so easy to see the bad and for everyone to touch my last nerve. So after a bunch of stuff going badly, I had some lunch, read a bit and heading out for my walk.  It is then that I realized I was just mad, I was mad at people, situations, governmental agencies, and a country.   So in no particular order, this is what I am mad about. China for being so secretive and silent and keeping the world in the dark as long as they did.  I am still not sure that we really know the real info from them. The FDA and CDC for loving red tape and not letting the spirit of America just jump in and help solve this problem as soon as i...

I wanted to start this off with the BEST QUOTE EVER! “I spoke about this before, but let me be clear: We are not planning any shelter-in-place orders,” Baker stressed. “In times of crisis, it’s imperative that everyone get their news from legitimate places, and sometimes that’s not from your friend’s friend’s friend’s friend’s neighbor.” -  Massachuesettes Governor Charlie Baker We are resilient and we will get through this, we may be a bit bruised emotionally, physically and financially but we will be stronger for it. There were a number of thoughts running through my head over the past few days and I am not sure where they will lead me but I am going to start to put them down to try and make sense of them. The meme goes something like this ...Our grandparents were called on to save the world in war and we are called to save the world by sitting on our couch. We are not really accustomed to being inconvenienced on a regular basis. We are reacting very emotiona...

After Friday night's mini meltdown and some discussion with my family, I feel like I was able to course correct pretty quickly yesterday.  I am not sure what the optimal alone time is for me but I am working on it.  I did get my 20 minutes in the morning and then in the afternoon, I did another 30 minute walk by myself and then did some coloring in the kitchen alone.  Sure the other 3 Padawans were in the other room watching a movie and I could hear both them and the movie but it seemed to work for me. I am feeling better about today and optimistic again.  I really do credit Gretchen's books for helping me see that only I can make myself happy and the importance of taking care of myself.  I still need to put that oxygen mask on first in order to help others.  I am proud of myself for recognizing the signs of a melt down earlier than I would have previously so that my so call melt down was just binge watching shows that I know Mr. Padawan hates so that I ...

I knew it would come eventually, I was optimistic based on the week that we have had that it would take longer than this to actually come.  That sense of being trapped. I cannot say this enough that my family has been great and I really could not ask for more we are all doing our best given the circumstances.  But here is the situation I am an introvert, I am used to working from home by myself, which means that I am used to being alone for roughly 7 hours a day Monday through Friday.  Now I have Mr. Padawan and 2 little Padawans with me ALL DAY LONG.  Ok, I do get a 20-minute walk for my #Walk20in20, most days but sometimes one or both little Padawans go with me.  Also one of my Padawans is a toucher and when he is anxious he gets even more touchy it brings him comfort, but it drives me nuts, I don't really like touch and most definitely not when I am stressed like now. But based on last night's dream and the thoughts in my head today, I know that I did a ...

Earlier this week on one of the IG Live events that Gretchen and Liz did they talked about dreams.  I am not normally one to remember my dreams but oh my did I have a doozy this morning.  I had not slept well last night and this morning when the youngest Padawan got up at normal time Mr. Padawan got up with him and I went back to sleep.  Oh, man was that a mistake. The youngest Padawan told me about a 'creepy' dream he had had before I fell asleep and it probably contributed to my stress dream.  In my dream, I was years younger and a freshman in college, I had just gotten to my college and met a boy and got so distracted that I soon found myself on the first day of classes, I didn't know if I had registered for classes, I didn't have any notebooks or pens, I didn't know where I should go.  Yet I was still trying to figure it all out and present a cool, calm, and carefree attitude.  I was a cool kid, I didn't get stressed, at least that is what I was t...

The past two days I have listened to the IG Live with Gretchen and Liz ('cause we are on a first-name basis even if they don't know it!) and decided to write out some answers to the questions they posed.  I didn't take notes so some of these questions maybe just ones I made up in my head. Are you having trouble sleeping? I didn't think I was but now I am realizing that yep got it.  Fortunately for me if I have a bad night Mr.Padawan is able to get up with the boys and let me sleep in a bit and vice versa.  Most of what is bothering me seems to be the tension in my shoulders, it is hard to work out and leaves me physically tired even if I am not mentally tired in the morning.  That and the stupid seasonal allergies that is causing some congestion which then makes my CPAP a bit vexing and I get air leaks; they are minor in the sense that my numbers are still good but the hiss of the air or even feeling the air blow on parts of my face wakes me up.  Yes you c...

So here is the deal, yesterday was mostly good but it had a few bumps in the road.  Basically, we started with a plan and a loose schedule, I didn't want to get too ridged because I thought that would backfire on us, but I didn't want it open ended because that would definitely backfire.  One of the biggest things we needed to work out was actually between Mr. Padawan and me because we are the adults here and while this situation is tough we are slightly better equipped to deal with the situation. The end result was that we agreed that because Mr. Padawan's work is more time-sensitive and he is the money winner in the family he needed to focus on work.  To help both him and the kids he needs to be in the office (potentially with the door closed all the time) so that it helps the kids understand that Dad is busy and he cannot play with them despite the fact that he wants to.  This also helps him because it will limit the interruptions, they are used to seeing him a...